Contentment

Last year, I went to school 4 hours away from home. It was the worst experience of my life (which also made it one of the most important experiences of my life, but we’ll save that for another time). If I had gone to a shrink or some other sort of professional, I truly believe I would have been diagnosed with depression. So needless to say, it was a rough time for me. I was very unhappy, and I was very alone. I went through the motions - going to class, doing homework, etc. - but that was about it. When I think back to my fall semester, I realize I was basically a robot. I did stuff (very little stuff, but I did do some stuff), but my heart wasn’t in it.

That makes this year feel like a total 180. Now, I go to school less than fifteen minutes away from home (something I swore I would never do, but again, that’s not the point of this blog post). I have never felt so good. I don’t want to say happy, because that implies some sort of over-joyous feeling. But I feel content. And even though I have had my stressed-out moments that come with being a college student, this contented feeling is one that I can’t seem to shake. I feel like this is the new start I thought I would be getting by going ____ miles away. Who knew I would find it right in my back yard? I’m actually getting involved in things, I’m doing stuff, I’m spending time with people, and have great conversations. I’m learning a lot, and I’m enjoying myself (for the most part) while I do it.

And now it’s fall, which just puts the icing on the cake. As I walk around campus, I can’t help but feel the spring in my step that comes with being totally and completely content. I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin, I have never felt so alive. It’s a great feeling that I hope everyone gets to experience at some point in their life, because there’s nothing like it.

I never would have thought a year ago that I would feel this great today. But I do. And I want to give credit where credit is due. None of this would have happened without some serious help from the big guy upstairs. God has truly provided in a way that I have never experienced before, and I’m so so so grateful for that. As the Chris Tomlin song says: “You are amazing, God.” That statement has never been more true in my life.

Social Relevance

Why do I have a twitter? Do I "tweet" because I think it makes me socially relevant? Do I blog/vlog to be socially relevant? If I do, then I clearly have failed at social relevance because few to no people read my blog/watch my vlogs/read my tweets. What is social relevance anyways? I have friends. Does that count? And why did I feel the need to talk about this right now?

Well, I was thinking about twitter, and I was thinking about why I had a twitter and then I was thinking yeah, why DO I have a twitter? Then somehow this term "social relevance" popped into my head, and a blog post was born.

I'm not sure where I heard this term, but I feel like it was floating around out there in cyber space or on TV or something. And I feel like it is the motivation behind most people's blogs/vlogs/tweets/Facebook updates/any other activity on the internet. I mean, if we didn't think we had something to gain by using the myriad different social networking tools out there, why would we use them? Because we can't deny, humans are selfish beings. Most of the things we do are motivated by the desire to serve ourselves.

So I am going to be the first one to admit that, yes, I think a lot of the motivation behind my blogs/vlogs/tweets/etc. is my attempt to try and achieve this conceptual "social relevance." It's lame, I know. But you know you do it to. In an age where everyone is all over the internet, it's easy to feel like we have to be everywhere, in every media, in order to keep from being left in the proverbial dust. The real question I have now is, now that I've realized my problem, where do I go from here? Do I stop my blog/vlog/tweet-fest? I don't really want to. I kind of enjoy it. It's somewhat cathartic. Yet at the same time, it just feeds my need to feel accepted, approved of, and all those other things like that.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not really sure what the next step is. I feel like I should change something, but I don't really want to. What do you think (isn't it great how I always address my non-existent readers)? Do the pros outweigh the cons? I'm not sure myself, but it's definitely something I will be pondering over the next few days/weeks/months. If you're reading this, let me know your thoughts. What kinds of social media do you use? And what do you think your motivations are for using them? I'd love to hear some other perspectives on this!

Who am I?

I remember being about twelve, and feeling really confused about who I was. I felt like I needed to know at that exact moment, the kind of person I wanted to be. I didn't realize then that becoming who you're "going to be" is a continuous process. It's not like all of a sudden you hit a point and you've become a certain person and then you will be that person for the rest of your life. Basically, what I wanted to happen was absolutely impossible. At the time, however, it caused me immense amounts of stress.
I still catch myself from time to time waiting for some sort of moment to occur, some feeling of reaching a finally destination, at which I am totally and completely content with who I am. But eventually, reason wins out, and I realize that isn't going to happen. Ever. As humans, we are constantly changing. We are constantly getting older, learning new things, meeting new people, and all of these things affect how we react to the world around us, how we think about things, how we interact with other people. Even if we locked ourselves away from any contact with the outside world, our minds would still be working, pondering over new ideas, thinking about new things. And we would still change.
The fact that we are constantly changing still causes me stress from time to time (though not in the same way it did when I was in those vulnerable "tween" years). The thing that I don't like is the thought of not having a destination. One certainly could go through life being pushed and pulled and manipulated by the world around them, without any final goal. Since we are always changing and reacting to our environment, it would be easy to go with the flow and say "whatever happens, happens." As someone who has a lot of dreams and goals, that just doesn't cut it for me. Furthermore, as a Christian, this life philosophy shouldn't cut it for me. If you read the Bible, it is pretty clear that we aren't supposed to live passive lives. Ephesians 5:17 says "Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do." This is the direction I have been trying to take my life in, but, as I'm sure you can guess, it's not something that can be done over night. But it is something that I want to strive for.
In Philippians 3:12, Paul writes: "But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be." I have adopted this verse as a theme for my life. I think the important word in this verse is the word "work." It is proving once again that we can't just sit there and wait for a transformation.
I guess the point of this long-winded post is that we are always changing, and it is up to us whether we let the world change us, or we take charge and become the people we want to be. And even more importantly, the people God wants us to be.
So there's a question and a challenge for you ("you" being my imaginary readers): In what ways are you letting the world change you? In what ways are you working to change yourself?
I certainly have a lot of things I need to work on in my life, and in my life so far the world has definitely had a pretty strong grasp on me. But I am working every day, little by little to change this. I encourage you (my imaginary readers) to really be honest with yourself and look at what you need to change. And then, change it!
Life's too short to let the world control us.

Party in the USA

So wrong, so funny.

Giving Back

I had heard of Mae in high school, but I never really listened to any of their music. Last year, I started listening to some of there stuff on Pandora, and I really liked it.
The point of this post, however is to highlight this awesome tour that they are doing this fall.



First of all: They are making this a multi-sensory experience, something that you don't see every day.
Second of all: They are giving back to the community. This tour isn't just about going around and promoting their CD, nor is it even about being "for the fans." They are doing community service for people who very likely haven't even heard of them or their music. That's just plain awesome.

I'm not sure if I will be able to check this out, but if you like Mae, or if you like helping other people, I think this would be an awesome thing to be a part of.

The MTV Video Music Awards

College Update.