Contentment

Last year, I went to school 4 hours away from home. It was the worst experience of my life (which also made it one of the most important experiences of my life, but we’ll save that for another time). If I had gone to a shrink or some other sort of professional, I truly believe I would have been diagnosed with depression. So needless to say, it was a rough time for me. I was very unhappy, and I was very alone. I went through the motions - going to class, doing homework, etc. - but that was about it. When I think back to my fall semester, I realize I was basically a robot. I did stuff (very little stuff, but I did do some stuff), but my heart wasn’t in it.

That makes this year feel like a total 180. Now, I go to school less than fifteen minutes away from home (something I swore I would never do, but again, that’s not the point of this blog post). I have never felt so good. I don’t want to say happy, because that implies some sort of over-joyous feeling. But I feel content. And even though I have had my stressed-out moments that come with being a college student, this contented feeling is one that I can’t seem to shake. I feel like this is the new start I thought I would be getting by going ____ miles away. Who knew I would find it right in my back yard? I’m actually getting involved in things, I’m doing stuff, I’m spending time with people, and have great conversations. I’m learning a lot, and I’m enjoying myself (for the most part) while I do it.

And now it’s fall, which just puts the icing on the cake. As I walk around campus, I can’t help but feel the spring in my step that comes with being totally and completely content. I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin, I have never felt so alive. It’s a great feeling that I hope everyone gets to experience at some point in their life, because there’s nothing like it.

I never would have thought a year ago that I would feel this great today. But I do. And I want to give credit where credit is due. None of this would have happened without some serious help from the big guy upstairs. God has truly provided in a way that I have never experienced before, and I’m so so so grateful for that. As the Chris Tomlin song says: “You are amazing, God.” That statement has never been more true in my life.