What do you want out of life?

This is a question I have been thinking about lately. And what I realized is, even though I have all these dreams for what I want my life to be, in reality, there are only a few simple things I really want out of life: to love God, to have fun, and to be happy. In all reality, I don't really care that much what degree I graduate with, or what job I get after college. I just want to have fun. And be happy. And love God.

I have spent so much time stressing and worrying about what to do with my life, and what major to choose, when none of it really matters! Because chances are I won't even work in a field related to my major. So why am I even worrying about it? Because that's what society tells us to do. They tell us that a college degree is really important, and having job prospects when you graduate is really important. And sure, there is something to be said for not having to live in a cardboard box after you graduate, but at what cost? For me, happiness is key. Because I have been unhappy. And it sucks.

Also, making plans is just plain stupid, because only God knows the plan, and he's in control. In James 4, James warns against making plans. "How do you know what will happen tomorrow?" he writes. He goes on to say "For your life is like the morning fog - it's here a little while, then it's gone." Life is too short to worry about making plans! We need to spend less time planning our lives, and more time living them. Obviously, I'm not good at this. That is why I'm writing this.

So this is my challenge for myself and anyone reading this: stop worrying, stop planning, and just live. Love God, have fun, and be happy! Romans 8:28 says "God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him." We need to trust that. I need to trust that. As important as it seems to choose the right major, to get the right job, to do whatever, we just need to realize that God will make everything right. He will make everything okay in the end. Obviously you won't always be happy, and you won't always have fun, but as Betty Smith writes in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn: "There had to be dark and muddy waters so that the sun could have something to background it's flashing glory." So have some fun. Enjoy the time you have on this earth, because it won't last forever. Don't worry it away!

Social Relevance

Why do I have a twitter? Do I "tweet" because I think it makes me socially relevant? Do I blog/vlog to be socially relevant? If I do, then I clearly have failed at social relevance because few to no people read my blog/watch my vlogs/read my tweets. What is social relevance anyways? I have friends. Does that count? And why did I feel the need to talk about this right now?

Well, I was thinking about twitter, and I was thinking about why I had a twitter and then I was thinking yeah, why DO I have a twitter? Then somehow this term "social relevance" popped into my head, and a blog post was born.

I'm not sure where I heard this term, but I feel like it was floating around out there in cyber space or on TV or something. And I feel like it is the motivation behind most people's blogs/vlogs/tweets/Facebook updates/any other activity on the internet. I mean, if we didn't think we had something to gain by using the myriad different social networking tools out there, why would we use them? Because we can't deny, humans are selfish beings. Most of the things we do are motivated by the desire to serve ourselves.

So I am going to be the first one to admit that, yes, I think a lot of the motivation behind my blogs/vlogs/tweets/etc. is my attempt to try and achieve this conceptual "social relevance." It's lame, I know. But you know you do it to. In an age where everyone is all over the internet, it's easy to feel like we have to be everywhere, in every media, in order to keep from being left in the proverbial dust. The real question I have now is, now that I've realized my problem, where do I go from here? Do I stop my blog/vlog/tweet-fest? I don't really want to. I kind of enjoy it. It's somewhat cathartic. Yet at the same time, it just feeds my need to feel accepted, approved of, and all those other things like that.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not really sure what the next step is. I feel like I should change something, but I don't really want to. What do you think (isn't it great how I always address my non-existent readers)? Do the pros outweigh the cons? I'm not sure myself, but it's definitely something I will be pondering over the next few days/weeks/months. If you're reading this, let me know your thoughts. What kinds of social media do you use? And what do you think your motivations are for using them? I'd love to hear some other perspectives on this!

Who am I?

I remember being about twelve, and feeling really confused about who I was. I felt like I needed to know at that exact moment, the kind of person I wanted to be. I didn't realize then that becoming who you're "going to be" is a continuous process. It's not like all of a sudden you hit a point and you've become a certain person and then you will be that person for the rest of your life. Basically, what I wanted to happen was absolutely impossible. At the time, however, it caused me immense amounts of stress.
I still catch myself from time to time waiting for some sort of moment to occur, some feeling of reaching a finally destination, at which I am totally and completely content with who I am. But eventually, reason wins out, and I realize that isn't going to happen. Ever. As humans, we are constantly changing. We are constantly getting older, learning new things, meeting new people, and all of these things affect how we react to the world around us, how we think about things, how we interact with other people. Even if we locked ourselves away from any contact with the outside world, our minds would still be working, pondering over new ideas, thinking about new things. And we would still change.
The fact that we are constantly changing still causes me stress from time to time (though not in the same way it did when I was in those vulnerable "tween" years). The thing that I don't like is the thought of not having a destination. One certainly could go through life being pushed and pulled and manipulated by the world around them, without any final goal. Since we are always changing and reacting to our environment, it would be easy to go with the flow and say "whatever happens, happens." As someone who has a lot of dreams and goals, that just doesn't cut it for me. Furthermore, as a Christian, this life philosophy shouldn't cut it for me. If you read the Bible, it is pretty clear that we aren't supposed to live passive lives. Ephesians 5:17 says "Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord wants you to do." This is the direction I have been trying to take my life in, but, as I'm sure you can guess, it's not something that can be done over night. But it is something that I want to strive for.
In Philippians 3:12, Paul writes: "But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be." I have adopted this verse as a theme for my life. I think the important word in this verse is the word "work." It is proving once again that we can't just sit there and wait for a transformation.
I guess the point of this long-winded post is that we are always changing, and it is up to us whether we let the world change us, or we take charge and become the people we want to be. And even more importantly, the people God wants us to be.
So there's a question and a challenge for you ("you" being my imaginary readers): In what ways are you letting the world change you? In what ways are you working to change yourself?
I certainly have a lot of things I need to work on in my life, and in my life so far the world has definitely had a pretty strong grasp on me. But I am working every day, little by little to change this. I encourage you (my imaginary readers) to really be honest with yourself and look at what you need to change. And then, change it!
Life's too short to let the world control us.

When I Grow Up

I don't know what I want to be. I keep thinking, well, more like hoping, that one day it will just hit me in the face and be unbelievably clear. So far this theory hasn't worked.
The other day on Regis and Kelly, this guy was on who is an actor in some show on TNT or something like that. He was 44 or something and he was saying he still wasn't sure that he wanted to be an actor. Well, that just threw off my whole plan! How can someone who is 44 not know what they want to be when they grow up? They are grown up!
I guess that's the case for a lot of people though, isn't it? Plenty of people who have well-established careers and even make lots of money aren't necessarily happy with what they are doing.
I don't want that to happen to me. Ten or twenty or thirty years from now, I don't want to be sitting around wondering whether I chose the right thing. Is that possible? People say "no regrets" and "don't look back," but do those people really go through their lives without questioning a single decision they made? I just don't think that's possible. But maybe it is. It's definitely not for me.
So what do I want to be when I grow up? There are so many things I like, so many things I find interesting, fascinating, even, but how do I know which one I want to do forever? Technically I guess I don't have to do anything forever, but which of my many interests do I want to put time into? Which ones do I want to put my money into as far as getting an education? I have no idea.
So I guess I'm back at square one.
What I wouldn't give to be eleven forever.

Futuristic...Or Not

While reading my LAS (Liberal Arts and Sciences) text book, I learned that the Inupiaq language, a dialect of the Alaskan Inuits, has no future tense. This idea struck me as crazy at first. I didn’t know it was possible to not have a future tense. I didn’t know a language existed where it was impossible to talk about what you are doing tomorrow, or even a minute from now. The more I think about it, the less I can fathom the concept. We live in a culture where everything is centered around the future. From a very young age, we are prompted to think about what we want to be when we grow up. As we grow older, the decisions we make often center around how they will affect us in the future: What kind of classes do I have to take to get into my college of choice? What college will give me the best education, and therefore the best success in my future life? Now, I am sure the Inuits think about the future, but to have no way to express it in words, that is such a crazy thought. At the same time however, how wonderful to think about. These people care so little about the future, about what will happen later, that they do not even have need for words to express such ideas. When I think about it, it might be nice to live so in the moment that I don’t need to talk about what will happen tomorrow, or in a year, or in five years. What a different life these people must live.

This tidbit of information was in what they call “Cultural Connections” - little side stories about interactions between people of different cultures. The Inuit man tells his visitor “Too much think...That’s what makes you nervous.” How true. I know I personally spend way too much time thinking, and it certainly does make me nervous. Just as it says in Matthew 6:34: “So don’t worry about tomorrow,for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” That is definitely something I need to remember more often.