Takes me back

I absolutely love these rag rugs from Desire to Inspire. They remind my of my grandma's house.


This one, being white and all, just looks like a dirt magnet:

This one's kinda classy I think (I mean, for a rag rug):
http://bbbeckster.blogspot.com/2010/10/old-english.html

Ch-ch-changin'

I'll cut right to the chase:

For those of you who don't know, I've recently (as in, the last two weeks) made a relatively significant (no need to blow things out of proportion here!) life decision. And before you say it, no, I'm not running off to join the circus. I am, however, changing my major. Now, you're probably thinking one of the following things:
a) Could you have possibly done this any closer to the start of the semester?
My response: Yes, I probably could have. Those academic advisors are pretty magical, you know!
b) I didn't even know you were thinking about changing your major! I can't believe you didn't tell me!
My response: I didn't really feel the need to inform the masses the minute I decided. I'm not looking for tabloid coverage here.
c) Why wouldn't you run off and join the circus!?
My response: Well, I have always wanted to try the trapeze, but I'm not sure I could handle the clowns.

Ok, but in all seriousness, I didn't feel like me changing my major was breaking news, so I didn't really want to make some big deal about it. However, I do feel like I owe it to people to let them know, rather than just mysteriously falling off the face of the College-of-Music-earth (though I do like a bit of mystery, don't you?). So I wrote this little blog post, because I like to communicate through the Internet, and I felt that it was as good a platform as any.

So there you have it folks, I am no longer a Music major! I'm not going to go into all the gory details right now, but feel free to ask me next time you see me. I will say (because I know you're just dying to know) that I am now an Interior Design major with a Music minor. And you'll probably still see me around the College of Music. Just not 24 hours a day.

So there you have it! Big life change wrapped up into one small-ish, (semi) witty blog post!

Take it or leave it.


Note: After midnight, I cannot be held accountable for my inability to wrap-up my blog posts in an appropriate way.

Update

A blogger I follow has been doing this thing the past few weeks where she just writes very short, one or two sentence posts on a single subject.

I like the idea of having (extremely) short, concise posts that get the point across quickly. This is especially good for me considering I tend to ramble on here. It's sort of like Twitter, only the updates will be less frequent, therefore they won't disappear as quickly (I feel like it's so easy to miss things on Twitter).

Anyway, so that's what I'm going to be trying for a while on here. Short and sweet (or maybe not so sweet). I haven't really felt up to/had time to spend writing full posts lately anyway, so this will be a good way to keep updating without having to expend the energy to write longer posts.

I'm also gonna try a new way to end my longer posts (also from Lyndsights), since I always feel like I suck at conclusions.


Listening to: the sound of the TV and the dryer coming from the laundry room

On my mind: Summer classes start tomorrow and I still don't have a job! Yikes.

Happy Mothers Day!

I love you mom! :D

Cats.

For those of you who were not already aware, I am a cat person. Dogs are nice, but sometimes they are just too friendly. While I'm all about catching Frisbees and having fun, anyone who knows me well knows that my inner-most personality is much more like that of a cat.

Anyway, enough comparing myself to animals, this is getting weird.

The point is, I really want a cat. I am also unable to get a cat, for many reasons, a few being: my dad is allergic, my family is generally not cat fans, and cats aren't allowed in dorm rooms.

Now, I know people have their issues with cats, but I mean, look at this adorable creature:Can you honestly tell me you wouldn't want a cute little fur ball like this one rolling around your room?

Another reason cats are better than dogs is that they are way more self-reliant. Dogs need so much attention! Not so with cats! They don't need to be taken for walks, they learn to go to the bathroom in a litter box, and they aren't trying to play with you ever minute of the day. The only pet easier to take care of than a cat is a goldfish (which really might actually be harder to take care of - have you ever tried to keep one of those things alive?).

I know most of the people reading this (if anyone reads it in the first place) will be dog people, and you know what, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with loving dogs! All I'm saying is that you've got to stop hating on the cats! What did they ever do to you?

And on a last note, when I do have a cat someday, it's going to be a genius like this one:

Just for Fun

I know a lot of people hate these things, but I love them. Not only do I love reading other people's responses and learning more about them, I love thinking about my own answers to the questions and learning a little bit more about myself (as cheesy and weird as that sounds). I'm in a talky mood, so I'm sorry if my answers get long-winded! (Note: I took some questions out, so that is why there are numbers missing!)

1. what is your current obsession?
Making lists and pondering my future. And being nerdy. I am actually really looking forward to the start of a new semester!

2. what are you wearing today?
Jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt

3. what’s for dinner?
Um, I think I ate broccoli...oh yeah, and a PB&J!

4. what’s the last thing you bought?
Boots on Target.com

5. what are you listening to right now?
Nothing, and it's way too quiet. I will be starting up some music promptly. What it will be, I have no idea! Probably the (500) Days of Summer soundtrack. Or something on Pandora. Yeah, probably Pandora.

7. if you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
That's tough. How about if I could have many houses? I would have to say Colorado, Washington (the state), South Carolina, NYC, and Boston. And Chicago. And California. I think that's it.

8. one thing you wanna change about yourself?
Be more outgoing.

9. if you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
California...the beach specifically.

10. which language do you want to learn?
French

11. what’s your favourite quote?
"I'm just what I am, that's all." - Death of a Salesman

14. what are you afraid of the most?
Settling.

15. who do you want to meet right now?
A (single) millionaire! (Missy, that one is for you!)

16. what is your favourite color?
Um, green, I think. I don't really have a favorite color. It may be pink, but I'm kind of in denial about that.

18. what is your dream job?
Performer.

19. what’s your favorite magazine?
TIME

20. if you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
I would probably save it. But if I HAD to spend it, it would be on clothes.

22. who according to you is the most over-rated writer?
Stephenie Meyer. Twilight may be insanely successful, but I think we all know teenage girls are probably not the best judges of literary merit.

23. what brings a smile on your face instantly?
Hmmm. I'm not sure. Probably my friends.

24. a word that you say a lot?
Crap. Or some synonym of that.

25. what kind of haircut do you prefer?
One that is flattering on the person wearing it. I hate when people have bad hair.

26. what are you going to do after this?
Read or watch a movie. It is 12:21 PM after all.

27. what do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Listen to music of the depressing, emo variety.

28. what makes you go wild?
Pretty much everything. Good things, bad things. I'm very excitable. haha.

29. what are your favourite movies?
The Notebook, The Family Stone, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Lord of the Rings, Breakfast at Tiffany's...to name a few.

30. what inspires you?
Pictures, movies, books, music, watching behind-the-scenes featurettes.

31. what do your friends call you most commonly?
Becky, Becks, Beck.

32. would you prefer coffee or tea?
Coffee. Tea freaks me out, but I won't go into that now.

33. which other blogs do you love visiting?
A lot of them. My friends blogs of course, and various others.

34. favorite dessert/sweet?
Cheesecake. I don't think I've ever said no to cheesecake.

35. how many tabs are turned on in your browser right now?
I LOVE TABS! I only have 8 right now, which is pretty low for me.

36. when you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"What's cookin', good lookin'?" Not really. I have no idea! Maybe "good morning."

37. favorite season?
Spring.

38. one wish that you really want to see it come true?
Hmmm. Um. Marrying a millionaire, DUH! But in all honesty, I want to have my own apartment/house at some point. I love the idea of having my own space to decorate all cute and such!

39. what breaks your heart?
Invisible Children

40. what's one thing you really want to do in life?
Make a lot of money then give it all away.

Nothing like a smack in the face to wake you up...

I saw this picture on a blog I follow called notebook doodles. As soon as I read it, I thought "HELLO! DUH!" I love when simple things like artsy pictures on random blogs just totally bombard me with truth. It immediately made me think about all the things I complain about not having (new boots, jeans that fit, a digital camera that works, a boyfriend, to name a few), and how stupid it is when I have so many other things to be thankful for (millions of pairs of shoes and plenty of clothes, half of which I don't even wear, amazing friends, the chance to go to college). I think about it and realize, man, I'm really ungrateful sometimes. Actually, I'm really ungrateful a lot of the time. And even when I seem like I'm being grateful, I'm probably still, in some corner of my mind, thinking about all the other things I could get that would make me "more" grateful.

So yeah, that's my thought for the day. What thing that you don't have gets in the way of your appreciation for the things you do have? I think it's a phenomena that goes unnoticed, until a nice little ditty like this comes along to awaken us to the fact that we are totally caught up in our greed. Darn you American dream! But in all seriousness, we can't really place the blame on anyone or anything but ourselves. I guess you can add that to my list of non-new year's resolutions resolutions. Stop being greedy and start being grateful!

New Year's Resolutions

I have never been one to make new year's resolutions. Most people are lucky if they can even stick with them through the end of January. For that reason, I usually don't bother. But this blog post by Donald Miller gave me a new perspective on the whole thing. He suggests, rather than making the usual list of items like "lose ten pounds," we should think of our goals in a story-oriented way. For example, his goal is to be able to climb Mt. Hood with some of his friends. The idea of standing at the top of an 11,000+ foot mountain is definitely a more appealing goal than just trying to lose weight. It also helps that he has other people counting on him to be there to climb the mountain with him. With your pride on the line, you may be a little more motivated to get to work and get in shape.

I highly suggest reading the whole post. It definitely changed the way I think about setting goals, and I'm definitely planning on putting his advice to use in my own life.

Also, here is another little snippet about goal setting from one of the pastors at Riverview:




Do you make new year's resolutions? Have you ever been successful in accomplishing one (or more than one)? Leave a comment and let me know!

A Decade of Favorites

So, I wouldn't be a true blogger if I didn't write a post to commemorate some of my favorite things from this decade. So here goes. My favorite things of this decade, in no particular order (other than that in which I thought of them):

1) Being a teenager. Because who doesn't love teen angst? And goodness knows I had my fair share of it!

2) The OC. I just love it, there's really nothing else to say. You can read my other post to get my more in-depth feelings on the show.


3) Pixar. Though Pixar didn't begin in this decade, they made a lot of great movies in it, from Monster's Inc. to Up!. Hopefully this trend continues for decades to come!


4) Aéropostale. It was basically my favorite store from the age of 11 to the age of 14.


5) Children's Ballet Theatre. Though it was the source of much of my teenage angst (see number 1), it was also the source of six and a half years of performance experience and great memories.
6) Jump5. My favorite musical group until I was about 14, and the first concert I ever attended.


7) Relient K. Though technically formed in '98, the really gained success in this decade. They are still on of my all time favorite bands, and I hope they continue to create awesome music forever and eternity.


8) Hilary Duff/Lizzie McGuire. I was a pretty huge fan.


9) High school. Glad it happened. Glad it's over.

10) Middle school. Even when you're home schooled, it's still awkward.

11) Braces. It only took four years for my teeth to look as good as they do today!


12) Epic movies. From Pirates of the Carribean to Lord of the Rings, you can't deny that this was a great decade for great epic movies.


13) Avril Lavigne. Before she went all blonde and pink and got married. Great background music for my teen angst (see number 1).


14) Digital. Photos, videos, you name it. Feeding the flames of our instant-gratification culture.

15) Facebook/YouTube/the Internet. These things totally changed the way we live. Anything funny that happens on camera is an instant candidate for a YouTube hit. Any picture taken has to be reviewed by it's subjects (immediately after it's taken, thanks to number 14) and deemed worthy or unworthy for Facebook. And of course, my favorite: everyone knows you're not really dating someone until it's Facebook Official (I would not be a bit surprised if this term showed up in a dictionary in the near future).

16) The iPod. I think it would be safe to say this is one of the best products of the 2000s.
17) Children's/Young-Adult Fiction. From Ella Enchanted to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants to Harry Potter, I read a lot of good books in the past ten years!


18) Reality TV. I can't believe I almost forgot this decade's greatest gift to mankind: the reality television show. From American Idol to Survivor to all those "reality" shows on MTV, I think we can all agree this is a defining product of the past ten years.

19) Tom Izzo and the MSU Men's Basketball Team. They're awesome. Period. Even Sports Illustrated acknowledged this fact.


20) Top 40 Hits. If you know me, you know how anti-Top 40 I am. But sometimes, you just can't help yourself. And this decade has been full of some great chart-topping hits. Or if not great, at least songs that you just can't get out of your head no matter how hard you try. From Usher's "U Got it Bad" in 2001 to Beyoncé's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)" (my personal anthem), we certainly have a decade full of hits that we can look at ten more years from now and reminisce about.

So there it is. I'm sure as soon as I post this, I will think of a million other things, but I'm satisfied with this list of 20. Leave a comment with you're favorite memories/products/musicians/movies/etc. from the past 10 years!

End of the year, end of the decade

For those of you who already follow me on twitter, the following statement will sound familiar.

I still remember, very vividly, being ten, and having someone tell me "you're a decade old!" It is absolutely insane to me that I am (in 7 months) going to be TWO decades old! Where has the time gone? I cannot believe that on my next birthday I will be turning 20. I certainly don't feel mature enough for that. Even now, 20 sounds so old. Ten years ago, people who were twenty were adults. They were mature. Do the ten-year-olds I know know look at me that way? I certainly don't look at myself that way.

The end of a decade. It's a weird thing to wrap your head around. Ten years. A lot happens in ten years. I grew up in those ten years. I came into this decade a child, and I came out an adult (well, kinda, see previous paragraph). But even more important than all the changes that happened in the past 10 years, I want to take this chance to say one more time how much my life has changed in this single year, 2009.

If you are a loyal reader of my blog, first of all, thank you, and second of all, I'm sorry, because you've heard all this before. This year, 2009, has been, probably, to use the current vernacular, the most epic year of my life. It's weird to think that in January 2009, not that long ago in the scope of things, I was going to school in Ohio. Exactly a year ago, on New Years Eve, I made the decision to transfer back to MSU. One of the hardest decisions of my life. I was full of uncertainty about the whole thing, but here I am a year later, and I can proudly say that it is impossible for me to be happier with my decision. So that was the big thing that happened to me this year. But there are a lot of little things too.

Little things like performing in my first opera. And the things that some people might overlook, like the movie nights, beach trips, summer days at the pool, and long talks. Staying up until three in the morning listening to choir music, or studying for music theory. I have amazing people in my life, and I am so thankful for every single one of them. So that's how I want to remember this year. Not for all the drama (and oh, there was drama!), the theatrics, or the emotional roller coasters. I want to remember the people. And the time I spent with them. Because that was the best part. Those are the parts worth remembering.

So to wrap it up, I would just like to say I hope you have a Happy New Year. I hope you have as many happy memories from 2009 as I do, and may you have many more in 2010!

The end will justify the pain it took to get us there...

I feel like I've been doing a lot of music blogs lately. Perhaps this is a new niche!

For those of who you don't know, Relient K is without a doubt one of my favorite bands of all time. I don't think there is a single one of their songs that I don't like. It always amazes me how every single lyric they write speaks directly to me and what I'm going through. "Let it All Out" from their 2004 album mmhmm has definitely gotten me through many of life's rough patches.

"And you said I know that this will hurt/But if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse/If the burden seems too much to bear, remember/The end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

Gets me every time! I am happy to say, however, that I have been lucky enough to experience some of that end justification that they are talking about, and boy, was it worth the wait. :D



Edit: I almost forgot to mention that one of the things that makes this song extra awesome is listening to it in sequence on the CD, because the song before "Which To Bury, Us or the Hatchet?" transitions right into it, and it's totally amazing. Listening to "Which To Bury..." with out hearing "Let it All Out" after it is actually really jarring, because they are pretty much meant to go together. Just a little music nerd fact for you. :)

The End of the World

On The Safest Ledge - Copeland

So, I've been thinking about life a lot lately (I say that as if it's a new development). I've been in a funky mood the past few days, and, as usual, I have tried to psychoanalyze myself. I feel like I've been doing a lot of psychoanalysis in these past few days. As you know from my previous expository posts, I have been in a genuinely good mood pretty much non-stop for the past 3 months. Lately though, I feel like it's wearing off. Maybe it's the arrival of winter. Or the darkness and the bitter cold. But anyway, that's not really the point right now. The point is that I've been thinking about life, and people, and the way people handle situations, and the way I handle situations compared to other people. So you know, complicated stuff. haha.
This is what I've realized: I used to (in middle/high school) get really stressed out about a lot of little stuff. I treated everything like the end of the world. I cried a lot over a lot of totally petty stuff. I overreacted and over-dramatized (probably not a word, but I just made it one), and basically, I was a teenage girl. Most of the time, there has absolutely no justification for my extreme emotional turmoil, but I convinced myself there was.

I think that last year was probably the first time in my life when I actually had any type of justification for my feelings. My life was totally changing, a lot was happening, and so yeah, I think I had a right to be a little bit of a wreck emotionally. But I made it through, I came out on the other side, and I like to think that I'm a better person for it. The biggest thing I have learned from that experience, and just from life experience in general, is that nothing is the end of the world. With the exception of nuclear fallout, nothing that happens is going to cause the world to end. So, yeah, (pardon my French) shit happens. But life goes on. Not to be cliche, but this planet we live on is not our home. Our lives are just specks on the time line of eternity. Our time here is too short to get worked up over every little thing that doesn't turn out the way we wanted. And in reality, even the things we feel went "wrong" are part of God's plan for us. And when you have that perspective, it seems just a bit ridiculous to be upset about anything. Because He knows what we need way more than we ever could.

I'm not trying to say you should never get upset. Of course I still have times when I get disappointed about stuff. But I then I remember that I am not ultimately the one in charge of my life. And so if God wants to take something away from me, or give me something different than what I wanted, there's really nothing I can do about that. I know that this concept is hard for some people to grasp. It's hard to hand over the controls. But the truth is, we were never in control to begin with. So we might as well embrace it because there's no use in ignoring it.

So, that's my philosophy. I like to call it the it's-not-the-end-of-the-world-it's-God's-plan philosophy, or INTEOTWIGPP. If it doesn't work for you, I understand. I still have my over-dramatizing tendencies, and I understand what a hard habit it is to kick. But I encourage you to give it a try, because it's totally liberating.

I feel like I need a cool catch-phrase to wrap up my posts. Like on Glee: "and that's how Sue...sees it." Any ideas?

Anticlimactic Turkey

Last year at this time, I was sitting in a dorm room in Ohio, anxiously awaiting the arrival of my mom who was coming to pick me up and take me home for Thanksgiving. It was going to be the first time I went home since the semester had begun at the end of August. I could barely sleep the night before. I was ecstatic. After weeks of being miserable, after daily video chats with my family, I was finally going home. I had been counting down to the day for 40+ days, and it was finally here. Last year I gained a whole new appreciation for the holiday season.
This year, I live ten minutes away from home. Instead of a four hour drive (including 2 hours on the Ohio turnpike) with my mom, I'll be throwing my stuff haphazardly in the car when my sister arrives after my last class, and driving down the basically 2 roads it takes to get home, where I just was only 4 days ago. As the title of this post tells you, this is anticlimactic. Last year, my excitement built with every day I took off my countdown. This year, it's no big deal. I was just home. I just saw my family last Saturday. I most of my friends every day because I go to school with them. So while I am certainly excited for a break from classes and homework, the overall effect just isn't what it was last year. And I'm a little disappointed about that. I miss the excitement.
I think the problem is I have been so jolly lately, that I am already at my usual holiday-induced level of joyfulness (if that makes any sense at all). I guess that means I will have to work extra hard to get even more exited! haha. The Christmas music I'm listening to right now is definitely helping.

I just want to wrap this post up by saying I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! I hope you have a lot to be thankful for. I know I do.

Oh, Susannah

This fall, I am performing in my first opera. It's Carlisle Floyd's Susannah. Having almost no knowledge of opera, I knew nothing about the show before I joined the chorus. I soon realized how amazing the show is. The music is beautiful (and some is kinda crazy), and so incredibly powerful. Being in this show has reminded me why I love music, and why I love being on stage. Even though the chorus is only in a couple scenes out of the two and a half hour opera, I love being a part of this production. Right now I'm sitting in the dressing room, and I will be sitting here for many more hours during today's eight hour rehearsal, but even so, I love it. This is what I have been missing. I have been spending my time in dressing rooms and backstage since my first dance recital when I was four. It's where I belong. Last year, I wasn't in any shows. All I did was go to class, and voice lessons, and the only time I was on stage was for choir concerts (which are great, don't get me wrong, but they're different). I didn't realize how much I missed performing until I finally got the chance to do it again. I have been reminded all over again why I chose to be a vocal performance major. Because I love being in shows. From the first rehearsal to the final curtain call, I love it. I live for being on stage. It's all I know. It's all I've ever done. I played basketball in middle school, but other than that, my life has been entirely consumed by various theatrical productions, from Raggedy Ann and Andy when I was eight to seven productions of The Nutcracker, I have dedicated my life to being on stage. And that's why I chose the major that I did. Because I love being on stage. But I don't just love being on stage, I love being involved in the entire process. I forgot what it felt like to be part of a team in such a unique way, but now that I remember that feeling, I'm going to be sure never to forget again.

Top of the world

I know I wrote about this a few weeks ago, but I felt the need to talk about this again. I have been in an unusually good mood lately. I mean, I'm generally in a pretty decent mood, but lately I feel like nothing can bring me down. In the midst of failing music theory quizzes and exams, rainy weather, and just an over-all stressful schedule of classes, rehearsals, and other activities, I have managed (inexplicably) to maintain a rather good-humored disposition. I have watched my friends stress out and freak out, and yet I have been totally unfazed.

I can't explain it. All I can do is give thanks to God for the fact that instead of riding the emotional roller coaster I have some how gotten on the Ferris wheel, and I'm stuck at the top (in the best possible way). It's like the phrase "don't sweat the small stuff" has finally become a reality in my life, and it is the best feeling! I don't know what it is, but I am so very grateful for it, and I hope that it lasts!

As I sit here writing this, the sun is shining outside, and Beaumont Tower is playing the fight song, and all I can do is thank God for the multitude of ways in which he has blessed me.

I'm sorry if you are not in a good mood, or if you're not having a good week. Maybe if we hang out, some of my joy will rub off on you! :D Joyful. That's really the only word to describe how I have felt these past couple months. My hope is that everyone I know will be able to experience this, even for a second, because it is the best feeling.

This post may win the award for most rambling post ever, but I simply cannot contain the glee that I feel, and I just felt the need to share it with everyone! So I'm sorry if this post is boring. It's purpose was mostly cathartic.

The Truth Hurts

Recently (yesterday) I had someone tell me something about myself that was totally true. Undeniably true. I didn't deny it for a second. I nodded my head in agreement the minute the person said it. Yet the statement has plagued me since I heard it spoken. It was a fact of myself that I had known was there, and that I had been thinking about often in the past year, yet somehow, the words this person used caused the concept to strike me in an entirely new way. And I can't stop thinking about it.
The thing that bothers me the most about it is that I can't decide whether or not it is something I can change. Whether or not is something I should change.

Well, I hope that was vague enough for you!

But seriously, have you ever had that happen to you? I find it very likely that you have had someone tell you something that you just couldn't forget. Usually it something negative, like a critique, or if we are very unlucky, an insult. But in my case, it was a simple truth. Not even a truth I had been hiding from myself, but one I had pondered day after day.

I guess maybe the thing that scared me most is that what I had thought was my little secret, something I thought was very internal, was seen by someone else. Someone on the outside. In other words, I wasn't fooling anyone. And I thought I was at least maybe kind of fooling them.
Or maybe all this time I was just fooling myself.

The problem is, now that this truth has been acknowledged by someone other than myself, I am required to take action. Because I'm not the only one who knows about it now. So now I have a responsibility, not only to myself, but to this other person, to act on this truth about my character. And that just stinks, because I'm a procrastinator, and I wanted to put it off. But I can't. The time has come (the walrus said, to talk of many things...) to face up to this thing, whatever it is, and deal with it.

So here are my philosophical questions of the day: Do you have a "truth" in your life that you are trying to hide from? Has someone pointed out a truth to you that you didn't want to face? Is there something in your life that someone hasn't mentioned to you that you may need to address?
Chances are, it will take someone else saying something to really make you take the initiative to change. It clearly did for me. My only hope is that my wonderful philosophizing will encourage you to think about these things a bit.

I guess the moral of my story today is that the truth hurts, but it helps us grow. That's what I have been learning lately. : )

I want to get away, I wanna fly away (yeah, yeah, yeah)

In the past couple years, I have found myself more and more interested in the idea of leaving Michigan and heading West. With Into the Wild and other similar movies being released recently, I find my train of thought often leads me back to this idea of dropping everything and going to live a life free of materialistic constraints. Of course, I have never actually done this. The part of my brain that deals with logic tells me this would be absolutely insane. Yet the idea never goes away. It's always there. Right now, I am way too content in my little bubble to consider doing anything drastic, and I have way too many "logical" reasons not too:

1) I'm in college. And even though I might joke about dropping out, I will feel much better about myself if I actually completed some sort of degree (which at the rate I'm going, could take my entire lifetime). I think this is a pretty good reason.
2) My friends and family. I like 'em. A lot. I don't think I could leave them, at least not at this point in my life
3) I have no money. That definitely puts a damper on anything. Of course, if I sold all my possessions, that could help, but I would never do that (see #4).
4) I love my stuff too much. I'm kind of materialistic. I like my stuff. Although lately, I have kinda just wanted to get rid of a lot of it, I have a feeling even if I cleaned out the stuff I definitely don't use, there would still be a lot of stuff left.
* On a side note, I want to dress the materialistic thing. When I was thinking about this post, and materialism and Into the Wild, I was thinking about how being materialistic is something that is primarily associated with females. I feel like sometimes we are expected to be in love with our stuff. If a girl went all Chris McCandless and got rid of everything and went on some sort of "journey," people would think she was crazy, but if a guy does it, well, people would probably still think he was crazy, but not in the same way. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that was just a tangent I felt I needed to go on.
5) I'm too self-conscious. I think a lot about what other people think of me. A lot. I'm not really sure whether my self-consciousness levels are normal or not, but I feel like they're definitely up there.

So maybe someday, I will be able to get away. I probably won't abandon everything in a totally liberating fashion, but for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to leave Michigan, and I definitely want to someday. I know I have a lot of friends who plan to live here the rest of their lives, and who love the idea of settling down here, and that's great if for them if it's what they want! But for me, I don't want to stay here. I have never wanted to stay here (well, maybe when I was five). Not that I don't like it here, but I want to see more of the world (well, mostly just more of this country). If it were humanly possible, I would live at least a year in every state. I think that would be awesome. The differences in cultures and scenery fascinates me. Even though I may not be able to live in every state, I definitely at least want to visit them all.
And most of all, I want to step outside my comfort zone. I'm the queen of the comfort zone, and that's not something I'm proud of. Though I really don't like moving (moving into my dorm room is stressful for me), I want to move when I grow up. More than once. Though I like the idea of staying in one place forever, I like the idea of experience new and different places. I get bored easily. I don't think I used to. I think it's a new development. But we won't go into that now.
The best part is, if I do ever get out of here, I will always have friends here. That's why we need the people who want to stay where they are. They are the ones we can come home to. They are the ones that keep us grounded when we are running around following our dreams.

So I guess the point of this post was to talk about what my plans for the future are? But really, it's not up to me at all, it's all up to God, which makes this all totally irrelevant. But hey, now you know a little bit more about me (if you actually read this whole thing–I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, I probably wouldn't, haha)!

Don't Settle

I stole this from someone else.
This is Steve Jobs' speech at the 2005 Stanford University Commencement. I feel like in my life, many of the speeches I have heard made by public figures are either cheesy, or just not that interesting. Perhaps it's because I'm such a huge Apple fan, or because everything he said I totally agree with, but I found Jobs' speech to be neither one of these things. I thought it was simple and honest. The three stories he shares are inspiring, and though there is always the "make the most of your life" punch line, I feel like he really means it, and has really lived it.



He hit on everything I have been struggling with lately as far as choosing a major/career path, and all that jazz. And his speech reminded me what I have always believed all along, but may have forgotten for a little while - that you have to do what you love, and you can't settle for anything less. When I get stressed out about the lack of job prospects for a music major, it's so easy to say "I'll just change my major to something that has better prospects." But in saying that, I am doing exactly what I hate to see other people do: I'm settling. That is one of my biggest "fears" in life - settling. Settling, and getting stuck. Which kind of go hand in hand.
I just love what Steve says about how after he got fired from his own company, even thought that was a huge blow, he still knew it was what he loved, and he wasn't going to give up even after such a terrible rejection. I mean, if he can handle being fired from a company he started, the rest of us should be able to handle pretty much anything as far as our careers go.

So I guess the point of this is to make you (and me) think. Are we settling in our lives? Maybe not in some areas, but are we settling in other areas? Think about it. It's an important thing to be aware of.

And, as Steve says: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life."

What do you want out of life?

This is a question I have been thinking about lately. And what I realized is, even though I have all these dreams for what I want my life to be, in reality, there are only a few simple things I really want out of life: to love God, to have fun, and to be happy. In all reality, I don't really care that much what degree I graduate with, or what job I get after college. I just want to have fun. And be happy. And love God.

I have spent so much time stressing and worrying about what to do with my life, and what major to choose, when none of it really matters! Because chances are I won't even work in a field related to my major. So why am I even worrying about it? Because that's what society tells us to do. They tell us that a college degree is really important, and having job prospects when you graduate is really important. And sure, there is something to be said for not having to live in a cardboard box after you graduate, but at what cost? For me, happiness is key. Because I have been unhappy. And it sucks.

Also, making plans is just plain stupid, because only God knows the plan, and he's in control. In James 4, James warns against making plans. "How do you know what will happen tomorrow?" he writes. He goes on to say "For your life is like the morning fog - it's here a little while, then it's gone." Life is too short to worry about making plans! We need to spend less time planning our lives, and more time living them. Obviously, I'm not good at this. That is why I'm writing this.

So this is my challenge for myself and anyone reading this: stop worrying, stop planning, and just live. Love God, have fun, and be happy! Romans 8:28 says "God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him." We need to trust that. I need to trust that. As important as it seems to choose the right major, to get the right job, to do whatever, we just need to realize that God will make everything right. He will make everything okay in the end. Obviously you won't always be happy, and you won't always have fun, but as Betty Smith writes in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn: "There had to be dark and muddy waters so that the sun could have something to background it's flashing glory." So have some fun. Enjoy the time you have on this earth, because it won't last forever. Don't worry it away!

Contentment

Last year, I went to school 4 hours away from home. It was the worst experience of my life (which also made it one of the most important experiences of my life, but we’ll save that for another time). If I had gone to a shrink or some other sort of professional, I truly believe I would have been diagnosed with depression. So needless to say, it was a rough time for me. I was very unhappy, and I was very alone. I went through the motions - going to class, doing homework, etc. - but that was about it. When I think back to my fall semester, I realize I was basically a robot. I did stuff (very little stuff, but I did do some stuff), but my heart wasn’t in it.

That makes this year feel like a total 180. Now, I go to school less than fifteen minutes away from home (something I swore I would never do, but again, that’s not the point of this blog post). I have never felt so good. I don’t want to say happy, because that implies some sort of over-joyous feeling. But I feel content. And even though I have had my stressed-out moments that come with being a college student, this contented feeling is one that I can’t seem to shake. I feel like this is the new start I thought I would be getting by going ____ miles away. Who knew I would find it right in my back yard? I’m actually getting involved in things, I’m doing stuff, I’m spending time with people, and have great conversations. I’m learning a lot, and I’m enjoying myself (for the most part) while I do it.

And now it’s fall, which just puts the icing on the cake. As I walk around campus, I can’t help but feel the spring in my step that comes with being totally and completely content. I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin, I have never felt so alive. It’s a great feeling that I hope everyone gets to experience at some point in their life, because there’s nothing like it.

I never would have thought a year ago that I would feel this great today. But I do. And I want to give credit where credit is due. None of this would have happened without some serious help from the big guy upstairs. God has truly provided in a way that I have never experienced before, and I’m so so so grateful for that. As the Chris Tomlin song says: “You are amazing, God.” That statement has never been more true in my life.