Anticlimactic Turkey

Last year at this time, I was sitting in a dorm room in Ohio, anxiously awaiting the arrival of my mom who was coming to pick me up and take me home for Thanksgiving. It was going to be the first time I went home since the semester had begun at the end of August. I could barely sleep the night before. I was ecstatic. After weeks of being miserable, after daily video chats with my family, I was finally going home. I had been counting down to the day for 40+ days, and it was finally here. Last year I gained a whole new appreciation for the holiday season.
This year, I live ten minutes away from home. Instead of a four hour drive (including 2 hours on the Ohio turnpike) with my mom, I'll be throwing my stuff haphazardly in the car when my sister arrives after my last class, and driving down the basically 2 roads it takes to get home, where I just was only 4 days ago. As the title of this post tells you, this is anticlimactic. Last year, my excitement built with every day I took off my countdown. This year, it's no big deal. I was just home. I just saw my family last Saturday. I most of my friends every day because I go to school with them. So while I am certainly excited for a break from classes and homework, the overall effect just isn't what it was last year. And I'm a little disappointed about that. I miss the excitement.
I think the problem is I have been so jolly lately, that I am already at my usual holiday-induced level of joyfulness (if that makes any sense at all). I guess that means I will have to work extra hard to get even more exited! haha. The Christmas music I'm listening to right now is definitely helping.

I just want to wrap this post up by saying I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! I hope you have a lot to be thankful for. I know I do.

Oh, Susannah

This fall, I am performing in my first opera. It's Carlisle Floyd's Susannah. Having almost no knowledge of opera, I knew nothing about the show before I joined the chorus. I soon realized how amazing the show is. The music is beautiful (and some is kinda crazy), and so incredibly powerful. Being in this show has reminded me why I love music, and why I love being on stage. Even though the chorus is only in a couple scenes out of the two and a half hour opera, I love being a part of this production. Right now I'm sitting in the dressing room, and I will be sitting here for many more hours during today's eight hour rehearsal, but even so, I love it. This is what I have been missing. I have been spending my time in dressing rooms and backstage since my first dance recital when I was four. It's where I belong. Last year, I wasn't in any shows. All I did was go to class, and voice lessons, and the only time I was on stage was for choir concerts (which are great, don't get me wrong, but they're different). I didn't realize how much I missed performing until I finally got the chance to do it again. I have been reminded all over again why I chose to be a vocal performance major. Because I love being in shows. From the first rehearsal to the final curtain call, I love it. I live for being on stage. It's all I know. It's all I've ever done. I played basketball in middle school, but other than that, my life has been entirely consumed by various theatrical productions, from Raggedy Ann and Andy when I was eight to seven productions of The Nutcracker, I have dedicated my life to being on stage. And that's why I chose the major that I did. Because I love being on stage. But I don't just love being on stage, I love being involved in the entire process. I forgot what it felt like to be part of a team in such a unique way, but now that I remember that feeling, I'm going to be sure never to forget again.

Top of the world

I know I wrote about this a few weeks ago, but I felt the need to talk about this again. I have been in an unusually good mood lately. I mean, I'm generally in a pretty decent mood, but lately I feel like nothing can bring me down. In the midst of failing music theory quizzes and exams, rainy weather, and just an over-all stressful schedule of classes, rehearsals, and other activities, I have managed (inexplicably) to maintain a rather good-humored disposition. I have watched my friends stress out and freak out, and yet I have been totally unfazed.

I can't explain it. All I can do is give thanks to God for the fact that instead of riding the emotional roller coaster I have some how gotten on the Ferris wheel, and I'm stuck at the top (in the best possible way). It's like the phrase "don't sweat the small stuff" has finally become a reality in my life, and it is the best feeling! I don't know what it is, but I am so very grateful for it, and I hope that it lasts!

As I sit here writing this, the sun is shining outside, and Beaumont Tower is playing the fight song, and all I can do is thank God for the multitude of ways in which he has blessed me.

I'm sorry if you are not in a good mood, or if you're not having a good week. Maybe if we hang out, some of my joy will rub off on you! :D Joyful. That's really the only word to describe how I have felt these past couple months. My hope is that everyone I know will be able to experience this, even for a second, because it is the best feeling.

This post may win the award for most rambling post ever, but I simply cannot contain the glee that I feel, and I just felt the need to share it with everyone! So I'm sorry if this post is boring. It's purpose was mostly cathartic.

The Truth Hurts

Recently (yesterday) I had someone tell me something about myself that was totally true. Undeniably true. I didn't deny it for a second. I nodded my head in agreement the minute the person said it. Yet the statement has plagued me since I heard it spoken. It was a fact of myself that I had known was there, and that I had been thinking about often in the past year, yet somehow, the words this person used caused the concept to strike me in an entirely new way. And I can't stop thinking about it.
The thing that bothers me the most about it is that I can't decide whether or not it is something I can change. Whether or not is something I should change.

Well, I hope that was vague enough for you!

But seriously, have you ever had that happen to you? I find it very likely that you have had someone tell you something that you just couldn't forget. Usually it something negative, like a critique, or if we are very unlucky, an insult. But in my case, it was a simple truth. Not even a truth I had been hiding from myself, but one I had pondered day after day.

I guess maybe the thing that scared me most is that what I had thought was my little secret, something I thought was very internal, was seen by someone else. Someone on the outside. In other words, I wasn't fooling anyone. And I thought I was at least maybe kind of fooling them.
Or maybe all this time I was just fooling myself.

The problem is, now that this truth has been acknowledged by someone other than myself, I am required to take action. Because I'm not the only one who knows about it now. So now I have a responsibility, not only to myself, but to this other person, to act on this truth about my character. And that just stinks, because I'm a procrastinator, and I wanted to put it off. But I can't. The time has come (the walrus said, to talk of many things...) to face up to this thing, whatever it is, and deal with it.

So here are my philosophical questions of the day: Do you have a "truth" in your life that you are trying to hide from? Has someone pointed out a truth to you that you didn't want to face? Is there something in your life that someone hasn't mentioned to you that you may need to address?
Chances are, it will take someone else saying something to really make you take the initiative to change. It clearly did for me. My only hope is that my wonderful philosophizing will encourage you to think about these things a bit.

I guess the moral of my story today is that the truth hurts, but it helps us grow. That's what I have been learning lately. : )

I want to get away, I wanna fly away (yeah, yeah, yeah)

In the past couple years, I have found myself more and more interested in the idea of leaving Michigan and heading West. With Into the Wild and other similar movies being released recently, I find my train of thought often leads me back to this idea of dropping everything and going to live a life free of materialistic constraints. Of course, I have never actually done this. The part of my brain that deals with logic tells me this would be absolutely insane. Yet the idea never goes away. It's always there. Right now, I am way too content in my little bubble to consider doing anything drastic, and I have way too many "logical" reasons not too:

1) I'm in college. And even though I might joke about dropping out, I will feel much better about myself if I actually completed some sort of degree (which at the rate I'm going, could take my entire lifetime). I think this is a pretty good reason.
2) My friends and family. I like 'em. A lot. I don't think I could leave them, at least not at this point in my life
3) I have no money. That definitely puts a damper on anything. Of course, if I sold all my possessions, that could help, but I would never do that (see #4).
4) I love my stuff too much. I'm kind of materialistic. I like my stuff. Although lately, I have kinda just wanted to get rid of a lot of it, I have a feeling even if I cleaned out the stuff I definitely don't use, there would still be a lot of stuff left.
* On a side note, I want to dress the materialistic thing. When I was thinking about this post, and materialism and Into the Wild, I was thinking about how being materialistic is something that is primarily associated with females. I feel like sometimes we are expected to be in love with our stuff. If a girl went all Chris McCandless and got rid of everything and went on some sort of "journey," people would think she was crazy, but if a guy does it, well, people would probably still think he was crazy, but not in the same way. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that was just a tangent I felt I needed to go on.
5) I'm too self-conscious. I think a lot about what other people think of me. A lot. I'm not really sure whether my self-consciousness levels are normal or not, but I feel like they're definitely up there.

So maybe someday, I will be able to get away. I probably won't abandon everything in a totally liberating fashion, but for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to leave Michigan, and I definitely want to someday. I know I have a lot of friends who plan to live here the rest of their lives, and who love the idea of settling down here, and that's great if for them if it's what they want! But for me, I don't want to stay here. I have never wanted to stay here (well, maybe when I was five). Not that I don't like it here, but I want to see more of the world (well, mostly just more of this country). If it were humanly possible, I would live at least a year in every state. I think that would be awesome. The differences in cultures and scenery fascinates me. Even though I may not be able to live in every state, I definitely at least want to visit them all.
And most of all, I want to step outside my comfort zone. I'm the queen of the comfort zone, and that's not something I'm proud of. Though I really don't like moving (moving into my dorm room is stressful for me), I want to move when I grow up. More than once. Though I like the idea of staying in one place forever, I like the idea of experience new and different places. I get bored easily. I don't think I used to. I think it's a new development. But we won't go into that now.
The best part is, if I do ever get out of here, I will always have friends here. That's why we need the people who want to stay where they are. They are the ones we can come home to. They are the ones that keep us grounded when we are running around following our dreams.

So I guess the point of this post was to talk about what my plans for the future are? But really, it's not up to me at all, it's all up to God, which makes this all totally irrelevant. But hey, now you know a little bit more about me (if you actually read this whole thing–I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, I probably wouldn't, haha)!

I'm jumping on the band wagon

A lot of people I know are big fans of The Avett Brothers. Despite multiple blog posts, Facebook posts, tweets, etc., I never really got into their music. I'm not sure if I ever listened to one of their songs all the way through. In my super ADD, easily distracted state, they never managed to hold my attention.
However, tonight when I was watching the latest One Tree Hill episode online instead of doing my homework, the song playing during the final montage caught my attention. I typed a few of the lyrics into Google to see what the song was, and what do ya know?! It was "I and Love and You" by none other than The Avett Brothers.
Needless to say, I am now officially jumping on the band wagon (pun intended).

Don't Settle

I stole this from someone else.
This is Steve Jobs' speech at the 2005 Stanford University Commencement. I feel like in my life, many of the speeches I have heard made by public figures are either cheesy, or just not that interesting. Perhaps it's because I'm such a huge Apple fan, or because everything he said I totally agree with, but I found Jobs' speech to be neither one of these things. I thought it was simple and honest. The three stories he shares are inspiring, and though there is always the "make the most of your life" punch line, I feel like he really means it, and has really lived it.



He hit on everything I have been struggling with lately as far as choosing a major/career path, and all that jazz. And his speech reminded me what I have always believed all along, but may have forgotten for a little while - that you have to do what you love, and you can't settle for anything less. When I get stressed out about the lack of job prospects for a music major, it's so easy to say "I'll just change my major to something that has better prospects." But in saying that, I am doing exactly what I hate to see other people do: I'm settling. That is one of my biggest "fears" in life - settling. Settling, and getting stuck. Which kind of go hand in hand.
I just love what Steve says about how after he got fired from his own company, even thought that was a huge blow, he still knew it was what he loved, and he wasn't going to give up even after such a terrible rejection. I mean, if he can handle being fired from a company he started, the rest of us should be able to handle pretty much anything as far as our careers go.

So I guess the point of this is to make you (and me) think. Are we settling in our lives? Maybe not in some areas, but are we settling in other areas? Think about it. It's an important thing to be aware of.

And, as Steve says: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life."

The title says it all: EPIC

Aquarium

This is fascinating!

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

What do you want out of life?

This is a question I have been thinking about lately. And what I realized is, even though I have all these dreams for what I want my life to be, in reality, there are only a few simple things I really want out of life: to love God, to have fun, and to be happy. In all reality, I don't really care that much what degree I graduate with, or what job I get after college. I just want to have fun. And be happy. And love God.

I have spent so much time stressing and worrying about what to do with my life, and what major to choose, when none of it really matters! Because chances are I won't even work in a field related to my major. So why am I even worrying about it? Because that's what society tells us to do. They tell us that a college degree is really important, and having job prospects when you graduate is really important. And sure, there is something to be said for not having to live in a cardboard box after you graduate, but at what cost? For me, happiness is key. Because I have been unhappy. And it sucks.

Also, making plans is just plain stupid, because only God knows the plan, and he's in control. In James 4, James warns against making plans. "How do you know what will happen tomorrow?" he writes. He goes on to say "For your life is like the morning fog - it's here a little while, then it's gone." Life is too short to worry about making plans! We need to spend less time planning our lives, and more time living them. Obviously, I'm not good at this. That is why I'm writing this.

So this is my challenge for myself and anyone reading this: stop worrying, stop planning, and just live. Love God, have fun, and be happy! Romans 8:28 says "God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him." We need to trust that. I need to trust that. As important as it seems to choose the right major, to get the right job, to do whatever, we just need to realize that God will make everything right. He will make everything okay in the end. Obviously you won't always be happy, and you won't always have fun, but as Betty Smith writes in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn: "There had to be dark and muddy waters so that the sun could have something to background it's flashing glory." So have some fun. Enjoy the time you have on this earth, because it won't last forever. Don't worry it away!